Bollong's Beanbag

by Joshua Blanc

Bollong the beetle scurried from behind the couch, where he'd been holed up since it happened. The horrid Uglumps had infiltrated his beanbag twice since Thursday and blown him up with Pillowstuffers at point-blank range. He still had the headache.

Uglumps, stupid as they were, couldn't get rid of him that easily. He had recovered, and it was time to reclaim his home. The carpet which he scurried across was worn and smelly; the room dark. But up ahead, bathed in the soft glow of the noisy picturebox, was the beanbag. It sagged lumpily in a lumpy lump which excentuated its lumpiness.

A light startled him and he scurried behind a block of Lego. An Uglump shone a spotlight out of one of the beanbag's seams.

"Who ee dat out dere?" said the Uglump. "Hmm. Must be my imagination."

What imagination? thought Bollong. The Uglump and its spotlight disappeared back inside. Bollong wasted no time reaching the beanbag and climbing the zipper. He slowed towards the top -- the opening would be guarded for sure. It was.

"Psst!" said Bollong.

"Whu? Uoo?" said the Uglump Guard.

"Hey, Uglump, the beanbag's on fire! You'd better get out before the whole thing goes up in smoke!"


The Uglump ran down the side of the beanbag and out of sight.

"Stupid Uglump."

Bollong climbed inside. Following the familiar route towards the Zarpchamber at the centre of the beanbag, he kept his eyes and antennae peeled for more Uglumps. The tunnel of beans muffled his steps, but up ahead he could hear drunken celebration. They celebrated now, but not for much longer.

Inside the Zarpchamber the Uglumps sat at a banquet table with their king -- Antilump the Lumpy. They feasted on beans and carpet lint, washed down with their own blend of foul-tasting alcohol brewed in the refrigerator drip-tray.

"Behold, Uglumps! I have come to destroy you all!" said Bollong.

"Bollong!" shrieked King Antilump. "But we destroyed ee!"

"That's what you thought!"

"Guards! Get heeb!"

Some drunken Uglumps rushed at him, but stopped when he revealed the crude explosive device he'd hidden beneath his carapace. Arming it, he got ready to throw.

"If I can't have my beanbag, then neither will you!"

"Wait!" said Antilump. "Weeb can make a deal!"

"Sorry, I don't do deals with anyone uglier than a rotten spud -- and you're uglier than a rotten spud. Ha-ha-ha-haha!"

The bomb sailed through the air.

Bloom! Splam! Vleerb! KAABOOOMMMM!!!

The beanbag exploded with the intensity of ten elephants sneezing at once, and beans showered down in the dark room. The boy who'd been lounging on the beanbag landed among the fallout.


"Billy!" his Mum called. "What have I told you about jumping on that beanbag?"

The End.