July 2007

Wonder Bread Trucks

People have asked me: Crazyguy, why the fascination with Wonder Bread trucks? Well, I'll tell you. It's as simple as this. The Wonder Bread truck is the singlemost conspicuous vehicle on our nation's roadways, but at the same time it is perfectly camouflaged. How can this be, you may ask?

Let's picture one, shall we? Okay, it must be a good… sixty feet long, bright white, with those yellow, blue, and red dots that are instantly recognisable on the shelves of gas-station convenience stores everywhere. Whenever you see one, what's the first thing that pops into your head? You're forgiven if you said `clowns,' but for the rest of us, it's bread, right? Bread isn't even written on the truck anywhere. The only word of any significance is a big red `wonder' across the side. That could mean anything.

The only thing more mysterious than a Wonder Bread truck is two Wonder Bread trucks heading in the same direction. There could be anything in there. Even bees. I'm pretty sure if the powers that be were to transport bees in Wonder Bread trucks no-one would give it a moment's thought, beyond: "Humming Wonder Bread, what will they think of next?"

Next time you see a Wonderbread truck, wonder just what's really inside th-- Oh Christ, my pop-tarts are burning! Sorry, I've gotta go!

-CG.